i dunno if it is cAlled ambigous.... but if that means that i feel happy and sad.///that's how i feel.... i was obviously upset that we lost 1-0 yesterday by a damn dumb shortcorner...and i mised a chance...but rest assured i wil not do that same mistake against saints and orchid park coz today was one of my happiest day in deflecting into goal....cant believe today my control of airballs are so much better! but tts also a bad thing coz if our defence can't stop it....we are gone!

apart from hockey, today i did not like what mr jude tan...our bio teacher did...i always did not like what he does...just felt he thinks damn highly of himself and always ignores other people whenever they greet him.... i dont know but from what my parents thought me, he is not a very good rolemodel...on top of that he is a really lazay teacher....all this while he just gives us slides...we copy he reads the slides....tells us some weird things like maturity and how girls are smarter than guys... (that i agree...coz i experienced it b4)...bt today i really didn't like what he did....he seriously insulted me and i wanted to give him a punch or a slap...if i was his mother...u insult my skin i'm not so sensitive...but if you say that i am immature i will react very obviously... when he said,"for most of you, puberty will be around the end of this year" ...then i did not intend to say this so lound but he was quite near me and i said to myself..."that means i still got time...." (i mean after all i am short and people would think i am primary 6....so that is seriously how i feel and i dont know what is so immature about it...coz in my books the gloabal definition for mature is acting like an adult... and immaturity is probably just that...but what does puberty have to with maturity? unless its physical maturity....and he even said u will probably be in the last 3 classes next year./.....this really really really pissed me off...the whole day there was only anger in my head...and seriously i will prove that *** ** * ***** that he is so damn wrong and come one look at his stupid jokes...so damn immature...what dunno hair comeout of here ther here ther...hahaha..... anyway i dunno why this is affecting me because.... ms lim did say to me in the parent teacher meeting that i am one of the more mature boys in the class ..as i have experienced more than them..like poverty, seperation of parents at the age of 4... and also the thoght of how does it feel to be a rich kid and now a poor kid... im not boasting but im just clairfying with myself if jude tan is saying the truth....moreover...i am a spiritual person who is very pious...i have experienced being a vegetarian...my father has piles which might lead to conal rectum cancer... and he has had 3 wives already and even converted to a muslim..... i was about 8 or 9 when he has his second malay wife and contributed to a muslim... furthermmore...i really don't feel like i belong in sji....i mean everyone's so rich! and im like this pauper begging for money! i feel liike a freaking CREEP!!!!!!!

but i dunno why i am letting this jdue tan thing just get in my head...i was playing hockey just now and the numbers "326" kept forming in my head....fuck fuck...i dont think even thoguh i can take bio next year..im not gonna take it coz most of the teachers are those whom i can't get along with if i wanna get an a1 for my o levels....i dunno if it will still bne jude tan...hope not..or genesius chan..he's nice but he's damn slack